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Saving your marriage - Divorce secrets - Should you stay or go - Mens divorce secrets - Helping women facing divorce - Divorce and women | ||||||
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Advantages to Doing Your Own Divorce
There are many advantages to doing your own divorce. Three significant ones are: you'll get a better divorce, you'll save a lot of money, and you'll be able to keep things simple. Getting a good divorce Studies show that active participation in your divorce is the single most important factor in getting a good divorce. "Good divorce" means such things as better compliance with agreements and orders after the divorce, less post-divorce conflict, less post-divorce litigation, more good will, and better co-parenting. People who take an active role generally do much better emotionally and legally than those who try to avoid the work and responsibility for solving their divorce problems. This doesn't mean you shouldn't get help from an attorney--it means you should be actively involved, become informed about the rules and make your own decisions. Put yourself in charge of your case; run your own life. Saving a Lot of Money When a lawyer is in charge of your case, even simple, unopposed cases cost a lot, and if your case becomes stirred up through increased conflict, the cost goes even higher. Most lawyers collect a fairly stiff fee for doing even a simple uncontested divorce. They average anywhere from $500 to $5000 for doing a job that is quite simple and that is usually done by an underpaid secretary anyway. Whether you pay the usual fee, or find a cut-rate deal, lawyers tend not to give you much time or information. Rarely, if ever, do you get to speak with the lawyer, and then only briefly. You almost always end up wondering what's going on, but there is no one to talk to about it. You can save this aggravation, and save at least $500 to $1500 by doing it yourself, and probably much more. In some states, a simple divorce can cost anywhere from $2000 to $5000 per party who has retained an attorney, and a contested case can cost hundreds of thousands on each side. Keeping it simple Most people start off with a case that is either fairly simple or one that could probably become simple if it is handled right. Such cases don't usually stay simple after an attorney is retained. Divorces tend to be fairly sensitive and it doesn't take much to stir them up, but lawyers have a way of making almost anything more complicated, more stirred up, worse instead of better. This is because of the way lawyers are trained and the way the system works. When one spouse gets an attorney, the other spouse is likely to get one too, and then the fun really begins. Two attorneys start off costing just double, but pretty soon they are writing letters, filing motions, and doing standard attorney-type things, just like they were taught. Now we have a contested case, more fees and charges, and a couple of very upset spouses. In the end, you will still have to negotiate your settlement with your spouse. Over 90% of all cases settle without trial, but when lawyers are retained, settlement usually comes after the spouses are emotionally depleted and their bank accounts are exhausted. Why go through all that? If you do it entirely by yourself, or with the help of a carefully selected attorney who has not taken over your entire case, there's a much better chance of keeping a simple case simple and of
reaching a settlement much earlier.
Ed Sherman is a family law attorney, divorce expert, and founder of Nolo Press. He started the self-help law movement in 1971 when he published the first edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, and founded the paralegal industry in 1973. With more than a million books sold, Ed has saved the public billions of dollars in legal fees while making divorce go more smoothly and easily for millions of readers. You can order his books from http://www.nolodivorce.com or by calling (800) 464-5502.
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RELATED ARTICLES
How to Use a Divorce Lawyer You want three things in your divorce attorney: expertise in divorce, reliability, and a good attitude. You want a lawyer who specializes in divorce (at least 50% of his/her case load), and unless you're expecting a no-holds-barred battle, you want a lawyer trained in divorce mediation who practices it professionally. Mediation-minded attorneys are more likely to give you neutral and problem-solving advice, whereas traditional attorneys tend to be more oriented to conflict and their advice tends to be adversarial. Your attorney must be someone you can trust and work with comfortably, someone who has your confidence. Once you've found the right lawyer, here are some tips on how you can use your attorney in ways that will make your divorce go as smoothly and inexpensively as possible. Using a lawyer efficiently. The most important thing is to be very well prepared whenever you contact a lawyer. Know your facts, know what you want to ask about, and know exactly what you want the lawyer to explain or do for you. Plan each conversation; make an agenda; write down the things you want to talk about; take notes on the content of the conversation; keep track of time spent on all phone calls and meetings. Keep a file for all your notes and all letters and documents. Do as much as possible on the phone and by mail to keep the office time at a minimum. Regard your attorney as a resource, not someone you cling to or depend on for emotional support and stability. A lawyer is not the right person to make your decisions or lead your life--you are. Lawyers cost too much for you to use them for sympathy and consolation--that's what family, friends and counselors are for. When you talk to a lawyer, stick to the facts and don't just chat, ramble, or complain about things your spouse did unless you actually want your lawyer to do something about it. Don't take your anger to an attorney; you want your best interests represented, not your emotions. Taking control of your own case. Being in control of your own case and your own life is the single best thing you can do in any divorce, so it is essential that you have a lawyer who can work cheerfully on that basis. If you are well prepared and business like, that will help the lawyer see that you are in charge of things, but you should actually say that's how you want it to be. Tell the lawyer that you want good advice and will rely on the lawyer's experience, but that you expect to make decisions that concern the tone and strategy of the case. Ask that you be sent copies of all documents and letters. Let the attorney know that you expect phone calls to be answered by the next working day. These little things let the lawyer know you are the boss. After all, you pay the bills. Using a lawyer for specific tasks. Instead of hiring a lawyer to get you a divorce, it may be far more cost-effective to use the lawyer just for information or advice on specific subjects. That may be all the legal help you will need. If not, you can always go back for more help later. After you have organized all your facts and read about how the law works in your case, if you still have questions about the law or what the likely outcome will be in your county, write all your questions down and ask a lawyer. You may decide to have a lawyer help with your marital settlement agreement, either to draft one or just to check over one you have made yourself. If you get stuck or confused at any point in your divorce, that's a good time to go for help. The more specific and prepared you can be, the more you will get for your money. My book Divorce Solutions: How to Make Any Divorce Better explains the process of divorce so you can become well-informed, and is full of information to help you get organized and prepared before you see a lawyer. It even includes worksheets to help gather all your information together. You will also find lots of practical advice on how to deal with your emotions during divorce, and an example of a marital settlement agreement that will help you create your own. For more information, go to www.nolodivorce.com. Copyright 2005 Ed Sherman Should I Get Divorced? Or Not? No one besides you can determine whether or not a divorce is right for you! But, there are some general questions which pretty much apply to everybody. Thinking about the following issues may help you answer this question for yourself! Spousal Emotional Abuse During Divorce--What You Can Do Is your spouse violent, abusive, harassing? In cases of harassment or violence there are legal remedies and there are practical things you can and must do for yourself. This is not about reaching agreement--these are strategies for self-defense. Mental and physical abuse must never be tolerated. The Impact of Divorce on Families As a licensed mental health professional, I work with many individuals, couples, and families who are affected by divorce. I see the devastating effects that breakups can have and am dedicated to helping people develop the skills to cope with experiences like divorce. Hidden Divorce Costs Divorce has become part of life in the 21st century. The stigma of being divorced that once existed no loger exists. This does not mean that divorce is an easy decision to make. There are many reasons why people decide to get divorced. The most common reason that I have seen through talking to hundreds of people is due to infidelity. Reasons For Divorce; What Constitutes Viable Reasons For Thinking About Or Wanting A Divorce? According to the Center for Disease Control's National Vital Statistics Report of 2002, 50% of first marriages ended in divorce and 60% of remarriages end in divorce. But, the Center for Disease Control also found that 96% of Americans express a personal desire for marriage, and almost three-quarters of Americans believe marriage is a life long commitment. I imagine that there are somewhat similar statistics worldwide. The Heart Moves On: Using Ceremony to Mark the End of a Relationship Divorce or the end of a long-term relationship is a particularly difficult experience because it makes you deal with two different sets of issues. Four Tips to Save You Money in a Divorce Case 1. Have an Clear Written Fee Agreement 3 Major Divorce Parenting Mistakes And Learn How To Avoid Them What 3 major divorce parenting mistakes that surely lead to unhappy, unhealthy and unsuccessful children? Parents know these for your children seek. Divorce--Negotiating Agreement: Ten Steps The best predictor of a good divorce outcome is the degree of client control over the negotiation--everything works much better if you have it. This doesn't mean you should not get help and advice from an attorney if you want it; it means you are better off if you plan to do most or all of the negotiating yourself. Studies indicate that clients feel their attorneys don't actually give them much help or guidance anyway. In a 1976 Connecticut study, nearly half of those interviewed reported no more than three contacts with their attorney, including phone calls, while 60% said they had worked out all issues without attorney help. A New Jersey study in 1984 considered only cases with children where both spouses had attorneys. Fewer than 20% felt their lawyers had played a major role in settlement negotiations. So, you see, you are likely to end up dealing with the negotiation anyway and there is strong evidence that you are far better off if you do. You get a higher degree of compliance with terms of agreement, a much lower chance for future courtroom conflict, co-parenting is smoother, support payments are more likely to be made in full and on time, and you get on with your life more quickly. Don't expect negotiating with a spouse to be easy. There are lots of built-in difficulties--so many that you may want professional help from a good mediator. But, okay, so there are problems--that's nothing new in the world of divorce. Let's look at exactly what you can do about it. Here are ten steps you can take to make your negotiations work: 1. Be businesslike: Advantages to Doing Your Own Divorce There are many advantages to doing your own divorce. Three significant ones are: you'll get a better divorce, you'll save a lot of money, and you'll be able to keep things simple. Surviving Divorce: What To Think About To Ensure Surviving Divorce Surviving divorce can be a valid fear if you're contemplating getting a divorce. In order to ensure surviving divorce, you should first understand that your divorce decision shouldn't be taken lightly. Ensuring that you'll be surviving divorce can be comforting and can influence your path as you consider your reasons for divorce and take the emotional plunge into actually going through with it. Marriage Seperation - A Practical Guide Finance in marriage seperation is a very big issue particularly with regards to the mortgage and household bills. When marriage seperation is inevitable obviously both parties need somewhere to stay and often it can be quite difficult to sell one property and then try to finance two. Some couples agree to keep the existing property going and one partner move out into rented accommodation for a trial marriage seperation period. This then gives each partner time to reflect and decide what may be better for both parties. However, both parties in marriage seperation have to live and are sometimes eligible for single parent help should they have children. This, together with child maintenance, could help with their financial situation considerably. Effects of Divorce on Children When a couple decides their marriage is over, a tremendous sense of grief and relief are felt. A recently divorced person will feel grief over the loss of their marriage and the loss of their partner in life. But there is also a sense of relief that the pain and anguish is now over and their healing can begin. For couples without children divorce is a far simpler process. They are not continually seeing each other to bring up all those bad feelings over and over again. When children are involved parents must learn their new roles and coexist quickly to minimize the negative effects of divorce on children. The effects of divorce on children can be very traumatic. Some children blame themselves for the divorce, believing that they caused their parent's divorce due to their bad behavior or not listening. Some children just shut down after the divorce and find it very difficult to express their feelings. Often they look as sad as they feel, withdrawing from friends and activities they once enjoyed. The effects of divorce on children can harm their future. The effects of divorce on children can be detrimental to their future relationships. Children sometimes feel betrayed by their parents, resulting in a mistrust of others. This inability to trust others hinders their ability to form intimate relationships. Parents can minimize the effects of divorce on children The good news is that the effects of divorce on children can be minimized by their parents. Parents can reassure their kids that the divorce is not their fault. It is also important for parents to make their child feel safe by reassuring their child that they are loved by both parents. It is also important to let your child know that parents do not divorce their children. Tell your child that you are available to answer any questions they might have about the divorce. The effects of divorce on children will be less severe if the couple is able to put aside their differences as much as possible and work together to provide a loving, safe and consistent environment in both parent's homes. Seven Sets of Documents You Need For Your Divorce Even if you believe your case will ultimately be agreed to and settled without a trial, you will be in a much better position if you already have the relevant documents in your possession. Better safe than sorry. There Is Life After Divorce A married woman becomes a single woman for one of two reasons: death or divorce. The former is an honourable state, the latter is not. Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When Youre Staying Married Only For Your Children All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending on the characteristics of the children - age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma - the easier or more difficult it will be for children to weather a divorce. 5 Ways To Ensure You Will Have a Happy Life After Divorce Life after divorce is something that most people who are going through divorce think about. Thinking about having a life after divorce or thinking about how your life will be after divorce, are common because people tend to fear for themselves. In fact, think about having a life after divorce while getting a divorce can be a sticking point for some people because they just aren't sure what their life will "look like" after divorce. Hire Divorce Lawyer or Use Online Divorce Forms When do you need to hire a family law attorney and when is it okay to just use an online divorce form website to save a little money? This article will provide a few pointers to help you decide whether to do it yourself or retain a divorce lawyer. Divorce and the Stock Market The most recent statistics show that about 50% of all marriages end in divorce. It is not very encouraging to enter into any kind of relationship knowing that it only has a 50/50 chance of being successful. Failure at anything is never pleasant, but there is one good thing about divorce. You are now free to try again and hopefully this time you will not make the same mistake.
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